Dear God, please don't listen to me. -Simon, age 3
I overheard my son say this today. How many times have I prayed a request, then added the obligatory, "You know, but only your will, Lord." I try to mean it, I really do. And most times, I do truly mean it. I know that my plans are useless and that nothing succeeds outside of God's will. But, I confess, there are times that I just want something. Really, really want something. I think about it too much. It turns my face away from the Holy Spirit. I want it, but not only if it's God's will. I want it even if it's not really His will. He can make it work, right? Sigh. This is wrong. This is sin. This is thinking that I know what the best plan is. This is putting me first and Jesus last. Yikes. So. What do we do with these situations?
Our precious Jesus, the one who took on all my sin, all the sins of the world, asked His father to take this punishment from Him. His humanness was so overwhelmed by the weight of what He was about to do, that He sweated blood. Blood! Yet, in His perfect heart, He added, in all honesty, "nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will." He knew that all good, all love, all beauty, comes from the Lord and only the Lord. He knew that we could not be saved without Him. He put all of us before Him, He put himself last so that God's glory could be put above all. He became last so that the glory of God could be first.
This is our example. Our only recourse to right our hearts is to pray.
Precious Jesus,
Please fill me with your Holy Spirit. Please teach me to put my worldly desires last and to put your will first in my heart. Please keep my face to you at all times, so that your love may reflect to others as well as to my own dark heart. Please, Holy Spirit, filter my requests so that God doesn't listen to those that are not of Him. Please, please, Holy Spirit, change the requests in my heart to only things that God wants of me. Lord, my father, mold my heart. Make me to want to know and do your will at all times, for only your glory. Show me your grace, Lord, forgive me for having desires that are not yours. All praise to you, Jesus. Thank you for your abundant grace. Amen.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Sunday, July 24, 2011
showing up - revelation 3:20
...If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.
Today 3 1/2 year old Margaret (who is transitioning out of naps) fell asleep on a chair in the living room. She woke up after only 1/2 hour, apparently out of a nightmare, screaming. This escalated into a full on temper tantrum lasting nearly 45 minutes. At some point she calmed down and asked for an apple. I washed & peeled one and handed it to her. Her younger brother did something to set her off again and she threw the apple. At this point I was out of sympathy and furiously began kneading pizza dough for dinner. Margaret eventually picked up her apple and wandered back to the living room chair, where she began screaming that her apple was yucky now. I said, "Margaret, come here & I will wash your apple for you." She responded with a barely coherent "NO! YOU COME HERE!"
At this point, as I was praying to be the graceful, calm, peaceful, understanding parent I've read about, something dawned on me. How many times have I been frustrated with whatever situation in life and sat screaming to God to show up? And in those anxious moments, how many times have I, pouting, refused to come to him? How often I've asked him why this or why that and not picked up the bible AND COME TO HIM? How often has he stood there, waiting for me, so he can wash away the dirt? I sit in the dark and allow satan to poke at me while I pout and cry and ask God to show up. But I don't get up, pick up the word, and quiet myself in order to listen to the one who loves me.
So many things I learn from these little ones. I pray, Dear Father, that you allow these lessons to make me the mommy you made me to be. Thank you for always remind me to chin up & turn to the light. For teaching me to recognize and focus on your light in all the darkness. I pray that you would shine brightly in our home, even & especially in the dark moments.
All is grace.
Today 3 1/2 year old Margaret (who is transitioning out of naps) fell asleep on a chair in the living room. She woke up after only 1/2 hour, apparently out of a nightmare, screaming. This escalated into a full on temper tantrum lasting nearly 45 minutes. At some point she calmed down and asked for an apple. I washed & peeled one and handed it to her. Her younger brother did something to set her off again and she threw the apple. At this point I was out of sympathy and furiously began kneading pizza dough for dinner. Margaret eventually picked up her apple and wandered back to the living room chair, where she began screaming that her apple was yucky now. I said, "Margaret, come here & I will wash your apple for you." She responded with a barely coherent "NO! YOU COME HERE!"
At this point, as I was praying to be the graceful, calm, peaceful, understanding parent I've read about, something dawned on me. How many times have I been frustrated with whatever situation in life and sat screaming to God to show up? And in those anxious moments, how many times have I, pouting, refused to come to him? How often I've asked him why this or why that and not picked up the bible AND COME TO HIM? How often has he stood there, waiting for me, so he can wash away the dirt? I sit in the dark and allow satan to poke at me while I pout and cry and ask God to show up. But I don't get up, pick up the word, and quiet myself in order to listen to the one who loves me.
So many things I learn from these little ones. I pray, Dear Father, that you allow these lessons to make me the mommy you made me to be. Thank you for always remind me to chin up & turn to the light. For teaching me to recognize and focus on your light in all the darkness. I pray that you would shine brightly in our home, even & especially in the dark moments.
All is grace.
in your light do we see light - psalm 36:9b
I am prone to navel gazing; to overwhelming, kicking & screaming fits of anxiety. I am not proud of these moments. They are debilitating & render me barely able to get the kids & me through the day.
But I know something to be true. God, the creator of the universe, keeps all my tears in a bottle. (Psalm 56:8) He hears my cries & understands. Better yet, he already has it all taken care of. His plan is far greater than my shortsightedness could ever dream. Only in his perfect light are we able to see his path. Without him, there are only our own filters of experience. Each disappointment, worry, regret, arrogant thought, or angry comment only adds another shade to our darkness. Only when we allow him to remove these filters are we able to see through his eyes.
So how do I reconcile what my head knows but my heart doesn’t? I don’t really. I can’t do it myself. Only through time in his word & constant prayer can God work in me. I repeatedly fail at this, but I’m trying. I know he wants his light reflected in me. I know he wants my kids to see his light in my face, not a scowl. So I will praise him for allowing me to know his truths. I will praise him for being my light. And I will chin up & be of good cheer. I will make the decision to keep my face to him, even & especially when I don’t feel like it. And I know he will work in me for his good purpose & fill my life with his light.
But I know something to be true. God, the creator of the universe, keeps all my tears in a bottle. (Psalm 56:8) He hears my cries & understands. Better yet, he already has it all taken care of. His plan is far greater than my shortsightedness could ever dream. Only in his perfect light are we able to see his path. Without him, there are only our own filters of experience. Each disappointment, worry, regret, arrogant thought, or angry comment only adds another shade to our darkness. Only when we allow him to remove these filters are we able to see through his eyes.
So how do I reconcile what my head knows but my heart doesn’t? I don’t really. I can’t do it myself. Only through time in his word & constant prayer can God work in me. I repeatedly fail at this, but I’m trying. I know he wants his light reflected in me. I know he wants my kids to see his light in my face, not a scowl. So I will praise him for allowing me to know his truths. I will praise him for being my light. And I will chin up & be of good cheer. I will make the decision to keep my face to him, even & especially when I don’t feel like it. And I know he will work in me for his good purpose & fill my life with his light.
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